A Star is Born

Plans...Scary Plans...

2010-02-09T20:56:00.001-05:00

So…as of March 5^th 2010 I will no longer be an employee of Citizens Bank. I will no longer have a day time job and I have no idea how to feel about that. Everyone’s been asking me “oh how are you feeling?” with such sad looks on their faces. Honestly I feel indifferent about the whole thing. I w as told I was getting laid off back in July of 2009 so I knew it was coming however; I was supposed to have been gone by the end of December 2009. 2 months later I’m NOW getting my final date notice. I’m neither happy nor sad about the situation. I’ve had my time to grieve/accept/understand the layoff…and now it’s just here. It’s actually kind of scary because now all these plans that I’ve had for myself might actually come to fruition.

As far as plans go on February 27^th I’m auditioning for the 2010 summer season of Theater by the Sea. It’s a summer stock theater in Rhode Island and it’s very well known throughout New England if not the whole US. It’s paying and from what I hear they house the actors down by the theater…which would be fabulous for me because the theater is well over an hour for me to get to and to do that daily would KILL ME. So if I get that I’ll be golden for the summer.

If I don’t get that then I have another audition lined up on March 12^th for the Mac-Haydn Theater Company in Chatham, NY. Another regional theater for the summer that pays and houses the actors. Another great opportunity for me.

It’s exciting/nerve-wracking/all of the above for me because I just might actually get to pursue my performing finally.

So maybe this blog will finally live up to it’s name of me striving to become a star. WOO HOO

WHY???

2010-02-04T11:40:00.002-05:00

Why is it that I attract certain people and ONLY those people? It's not the Abercrombie & Fitch models...or the preppy guys...or the hot bartender at the club. It's the guys that have the problems or issues. I always end up attracting the guys that are recently out of relationships and the guys still trying to figure themselves out. The best is when I am always attracting the guys that are still in the closet. WHY?? Is this my test before I'm granted the opportunity to have a nice normal guy in a relationship? DO I have to help a certain number of gay guys a la "Mother Teresa" before I find the one? I'm tired of the waiting...AND I've helped enough guys in my opinion. Can't I just pick out the one I want? Seems like what most gay men do...at least the hot ones.

It's been so long...

2010-01-26T00:19:00.005-05:00

So...it's been over a year and a half since I last blogged on here. My sister would be so disappointed since she was the one to convince me to start a blog. So much has happened since I last blogged...so here's a quick run down.

* I left the Newport Playhouse to pursue other acting endeavors with other theater companies and try to get more experience and featured more.
* In leaving the Newport Playhouse, I found The Community Players in Pawtucket, RI. They have treated me with such respect, kindness and everything I could ask for...including leading roles in many shows. I actually have a streak going with them. I've done the past 6 shows with them and am rehearsing the 7th.
* Speaking of shows, I have performed in 8 shows and rehearsing the 9th as we speak.
* There are no men in my life right now because they're just too much to deal with right now. If they don't want me...psch I don't want them.
* I'm being laid off from my job at Citizens Bank. My job is being sent to India and I really don't like curry all that much so I'm not following.
* I turned 28 years old...2 more years and I'm 30 (oy...vey)
* I auditioned for the National Touring Company of Wizard of Oz AND GOT A CALLBACK...but didn't get in...seeing as I'm still stuck in RI
* My strive to become a star continues as I soon begin to plan my move to NYC within the next year.

So that in itself is a rundown of the past 21 Months of my life.

Any questions?

Confusion sets in some more

2008-04-21T12:08:00.001-04:00

Ok…so I had mentioned before about this guy that I’m interested in and how I’m my own worst enemy because I’m constantly torturing myself with the thoughts in my head. Well…it still hasn’t changed. Now I’m just healthy and thinking these things. I don’t know what to do because I really like him but don’t know if he feels the same way and my friend Kris told me to take the risk and just ask him. That’s easier said then done when he’s the chairperson of the committee that you’re on at work and have to see him all the time. If he ends up saying NO then that’ll just be awkward for me and I really enjoy being on this committee and don’t want that stuff to interfere with it. DAMN me for developing something with someone at work…I never learn…

being sick sucks

2008-04-10T21:22:00.003-04:00

OK...everyone knows (and hopefully agrees) that being sick sucks...ESPECIALLY when you're an actor/singer/dancer who performs 3 - 5 shows a weekend. For anyone who has read my previous blog entries, I have had problems with the Newport Playhouse casting me in their main stage shows because I have to work at the bank and can't do all the shows and yada yada yada. Well, needless to say, THEY FINALLY CAST ME IN A SHOW!!

The show I was cast in is called "Bedroom Farce". It's a funny show about 4 couples, 3 bedrooms, comedy ensues...I get to play an angry British married man who is stuck in bed for an hour and forty minutes...I don't leave the stage...at...all!

ANYWAY...back to the blog...so I finally get cast in the show and I'm soooo excited and of course REALLY nervous. I haven't been onstage in almost 2 years as an "actor". Granted I'm onstage for the cabaret every weekend but in cabaret I'm playing myself...that's it...that's not hard to do...for the most part. Being on stage as this British Guy I really have to bring out this character and it's annoying me because since I do not leave the bed at all I cannot rely on my movements to remember my lines. Tech Week epitomized the term HELL WEEK...and if you're in theater you know what I'm talking about.

Now being sick is not something to take lightly when you have to be onstage. Yes the others can leave, get water, get medicine...but me...I am in bed the entire time. No water, no medicine...no nothing...well actually the woman playing my wife does bring me a glass of water 3 quarters of the way through the show but I still had to suffer until then.

One more thing that sucks about being sick is that when you call out of work and you sit at home doing nothing...all you can do is think. About everything and everyone. Now in the MONTHS since I last blogged I have met someone. I'm not going to say their name because I ain't jinxing anything...BUT I will say that he is one of the sweetest, nicest, and just all around great guy that I've met in a long time and I really like him. I'd like there to be more but in fear of scaring him away I've never let on that little tidbit to him. Because of this I'm not even remotely sure if he's interested in me in that way either...and being sick makes me think of this. Does he like me? Does he not like me? Does he even LOOK at me in that way? Does he think I'm annoying with the amount of messages I've sent him? I don't know :( :(

Being sick SUCKS!!!

The "Perfect" Song

2007-11-26T20:39:00.002-05:00

So I've decided that I wanted to start devoting some posts to theater since ya know it IS my life.

I wanted to start my first theater post off with an AMAZING singer and song that I found while surging other posts. I had searched for a certain blog because it was of an actor who is on tour with the national touring company of The 25th Annual Putnum County Spelling Bee. His name is Andrew Keenan-Bolger and he is an amazing actor and singer but this post isn't about him. haha I had been looking through his blog and found this post of his about a new show called EDGES that his friends Benj & Justin wrote and directed and the songs are amazing. There's this one song though that just blew my mind away and I guarantee you that if you're any part of a theater person you'll love this song and listen to it 25 times. You'll have to comment to let me know what you think. :)

Birthday # 26

2007-11-26T14:32:00.000-05:00

So it is official I am now heading closer and closer to the big 3-0. I can no longer be considered a “kid” since I’ve crossed the threshold of 25. It has been a stressful week too without the whole growing closer to 30 looming at the end of the week for me. It started on Monday when I came to work.

On Friday the 16th I left work 2 hours early because I wasn’t feeling well. Because of this I forgot to fill out my timecard for work. NO BIG DEAL. I’ll just complete it on Monday morning when I come in because they don’t have to be approved until noon on Monday. WRONG!!! Apparently, because of the holiday timecards had to be finished and approved by Sunday. (Don’t ask me why since Sunday isn’t a work day for me…I don’t know) Anyway, on Monday I came in trying to enter my time card and the system is down so I ask my manager’s and they can’t get in. So I go to Human Resources to speak to them about it. They are the ones who informed on the Sunday approval thingy and I told them I didn’t know about that. They said “There’s nothing we can do since an email was sent to everyone on Wednesday telling you about the early approval” W-T-F!! I never read the corporate emails…they’re nothing but useless information about promotions of people I don’t know in a state I’m nowhere near. SO nevertheless, they told me that I would NOT be getting my paycheck on Friday the 23rd but will get a double deposit on the 30th. This ROYALLY sucks for me because this is the week that all of my bills were being paid. Yes I did have enough money to cover the bills but then I have MAYBE $150.00 to last me for 2 weeks.

Introducing my DOWNWARD SPIRAL for this week!!

On top of me not having money my coworkers & friends were feeling bad for me…one thing that I HATE with a passion. Granted they are the ones who bought me breakfast and lunch but I spent most of my college years as a mooch. I was constantly asking people for rides, money, food, etc…and I have spent so much time and money getting out of that lifestyle that I do not want to go back. My mom FORCED me to take money from her and I didn’t want to do that because I know they need it more than me. It was my own fault that I did not fill out my timecard on time BUT they wouldn’t let me settle with that.

Then there was also tech week for my Christmas Cabaret that was opening up at the Newport Playhouse on Friday. If any of you reading this now has read my previous posts, you’ll know how I feel currently about the Playhouse and the cabarets. This week just added onto it. I’m still being pushed to the end of the stage, taken out of numbers, and just LONG hours of rehearsing songs that I already know. And for some reason I think I’m developing insomnia…I get home from rehearsal and am so tired from it but I CANNOT fall asleep. I’m up till 2am or 3am just farting around on the computer when I have to be up at 6 or 7am for work. Talk about bags under my eyes.

It was because of this lack of sleep that I was SOO tired on Thanksgiving. It started out going to my sister Heather’s to see her, my brother-in-law and my two ADORABLE nephews who greet me with so much excitement. We sat there for about 45 minutes just chatting and nibbling on pieces of pie that Heather made. (I don’t think Custard pie is supposed to be so…liquidy…sorry Heather) Then it was onto my Uncle Bobby & Auntie Rosa’s house for dinner. It was nice to be in a house that was filled with people for this holiday because that’s how it was throughout my entire life and in years past it hasn’t been like that all the time. My Auntie Rosa made a BEAUTIFUL and DELICIOUS dinner and I got to spend it with some wonderful people. After dinner we spent some time outside in front of the fire pit while my cousin Bobby-Dave built the fire. It was a gorgeous day and this ended it nicely. We got home a little before 5pm and next thing I know BONK I’m out like a light until about 8:15. (Boy that dinner really took a lot out of me) Fell back asleep about 3 and was up at 6 but surprisingly enough I wasn’t tired…had to have been that extra 3 hours of sleep that I never get. LOL

Friday rolls around and the depression sets in again because I’m seeing everyone getting paid and I’m not. More coworkers buy me food and I still get upset with them but they through it at me anyway. The day sped by really quickly and I’m home and getting ready for my show at the Playhouse. I decide after the show that even though I didn’t have any money to spend that I was going to out to celebrate my birthday because I deserved it. I took out $60 from my account and went to Trixx (Ya’ll don’t need to know about this club…it could blind some of your eyes) Anyway, since I know so many people at this club I think I spent $10 out of my original $60 and everything else was bought for me…YAY!!

SO now…drumroll…IT’S MY BIRTHDAY…whoop dee freakin doo…lol…I’m scheduled to be in work at 2pm…how the hell can I celebrate my birthday ON my birthday if I’m working. Oh well…maybe I’ll make some money waiting tables that I didn’t make this week from my paycheck. My mom told me she was coming to my show for my birthday and was bring her 3 friends with her. I told her I would’ve loved to have seen Dad come but I know he can’t because he has to work…oh well…next time. 6pm rolls around and we get open the doors for the customers at the playhouse. I’m running around like a chicken with his head cut off as usual when I see my mom walk in. Behind her was my birthday surprise apparently. It was my Dad!! I didn’t get a chance to tell them but it really meant so much to see him there. Heather and Michael were there as well and it made me feel so much better that all of them were there.

So all in all yes it was a stressful week but my family brought me back down and made it a good ending by coming to my show and celebrating my birthday with me and seeing me onstage. I wasn’t “fake smiling” that night as I was on Friday night.

Is this what being adult is about?? Stressful weeks and no money?? I WANNA BE A KID AGAIN!!

Theater Life

2007-11-12T22:04:00.000-05:00

LAST SHOW YOU ADDED TO YOUR RESUME: Do Cabarets count?? If so the Newport Playhouse Christmas Cabaret...if REAL show Bedside Manners at Newport Playhouse
LAST SHOW YOU AUDITIONED FOR: Touring Company for Jesus Christ Superstar
DID YOU GET INTO IT: I'm guessing not since it's been over a month since the audition and no answer.
LAST SONG YOU USED AT AN AUDITION: Halloween from RENT
FAVORITE THEATRE (VENUE): Stadium Theater
FAVORITE MUSICAL: RENT
FAVORITE ROLE AND FROM WHAT SHOW?: Musical - Hysterium in Forum, Play - Roger, Bedisde Manners
SUPERSTITION: I TRULY believe in the Scottish Play supersition...M B...
LAST PART YOU PLAYED IN A SHOW: Roger, Bedside Manners at Playhouse
YOUR GOAL IN SHOW BUSINESS: Would love to win a Tony award.
FAVORITE DIRECTOR: Bill Wilson
WHAT WAS YOUR VERY FIRST SHOW?: The Wise Old Woman...I was 11 years old and I was one of the 3 wise man and had ONE line and it had ASH which always came out as ASS
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A DANCE SOLO?: Yes...
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A SINGING SOLO?: Yes...
HAVE YOU EVER BEEN THE LAST PERSON TO TAKE A BOW?: Nope
NAME A SHOW YOU'VE DONE MORE THAN TWO TIMES: Bedside Manners
HAVE YOU BEEN TO NEW YORK?: yes for both pleasure and auditions!
HAVE YOU BEEN TO LA?: Yes but at like 2 o'clock in the morning.
WHAT'S THE SCARIEST PART OF AN AUDITION?: it's a tie between the endless hours of waiting and having to hear the other talented guys who are up for the same role and then questioning weather or not you should even be at the audition!!!!
WHAT'S THE BEST PART OF AN AUDITION?: Getting my voice out there for others to hear.
NAME A SHOW YOU WOULD NEVER DO AGAIN: God's Favorite...there's a reason why it's been named one of Neil Simon's worst shows.
NAME A SHOW YOU COULD DO FOR YEARS: A Funny Thing Happened On The Way To The Forum...one of my first leading roles :)
NAME A SHOW YOU WOULD LOVE TO DO BUT HAVE NEVER BEEN IN:
A Christmas Carol
NAME A PERSON YOU'D LIKE TO WORK WITH AGAIN: I'd have to say Lee Rush...she is so much fun to work with and gives me so much to work with on stage.
WHAT ARE YOU AUDITIONING FOR NEXT?: Well there are 2 auditions coming up and one of them I'm not sure of. The first is Dirty Dancing in NY and the next is Godspell at Mill River Dinner Theater
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN PERFORMING?: Once I turn 26 in 2 weeks it'll officially be 15 years.
DO YOU CARRY YOUR HEADSHOTS AROUND WITH YOU?: yes
DO YOU KEEP IN TOUCH WITH PAST CAST MEMBERS?: For the most part I try but it's hard to keep up when so many people are doing other stuff.
WHAT IS YOUR MOST MEMORABLE PERFORMANCE?: being able to FINALLY sing "Mama, A Rainbow" from Minnie's Boys on Mother's Day for my mother who was sitting in the audience. It may have only been for one show but it was worth so much more to me cause she was there.
WHAT'S SOMETHING EMBARRASSING OR UNEXPECTED THAT HAPPENED TO YOU WHILE ON STAGE?: It was onstage but during one of the last rehearsals, I took a prat fall and split my chin open on the stage and then had to perform the preview show with 13 stitches in my chin.
WHO IS THE MOST DIFFICULT PERSON (ON STAGE OR OFF) THAT YOU HAVE EVER WORKED WITH?: I'd have to say Bruce...last name being omitted...he would get so made at the other cast members because we didn't know his lines to feed to him.
EVER BEEN NAKED ON STAGE?: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
WHO OR WHAT IS YOUR GREATEST INSPIRATION OR INFLUENCE: I have 3...My Nana & Poppy who loved to dance and sing and my Uncle Lenny who was a TRUE performer...
IF YOU COULD BE A RICH FAMOUS PORN STAR OR A STRUGGLING THEATRE ACTOR WHICH WOULD YOU CHOOSE?: STRUGGLING of course...cause I already am...PLUS I cannot even look at myself naked let alone 50 people watching me having sex.
BEST PROFESSIONAL SHOW(S) YOU'VE SEEN: RENT, Wicked, Spring Awakening.
BEST COLLEGE SHOW(S) YOU'VE SEEN: Once Upon A Mattress, Steel Magnolias, The Little Foxes, You're A Good Man Charlie Brown
BEST AMATEUR/COMMUNITY SHOW(S) YOU'VE SEEN: Over The River & Through The Woods, The Cemetary Club, Murder At Howard Johnsons, Once On This Island, Little Shop of Horros
BEST HIGH SCHOOL SHOW(S) YOU'VE SEEN: Never seen a HS show
ONSTAGE, HAVE YOU EVER...
...BEEN KILLED?: nope
...BEEN DRUNK/STONED?: yes...
...PLAYED SOMEONE HALF YOUR AGE?: yes...I played a 12 year old in a snow suit for 4 months...
...PLAYED SOMEONE TWICE YOUR AGE?: nope
...CRIED?: yes...and it came out of a SCREAMING match with the guy playing my father...VERY intense
...FIRED A GUN?: no...
...DRIVEN A CAR?: nope..
...BEEN DRENCHED? nope
...BEEN IN A DREAM SEQUENCE?: Don't think I have...
...BEEN KISSED?: Yup...my first kiss with a woman was onstage.
IF YOU WERE ON BROADWAY RIGHT NOW, WHAT SHOW WOULD YOU WANT TO BE IN AND WHAT ROLE WOULD YOU PLAY?: I would LOVE to be in RENT as Mark

Losing a matriarch

2007-11-11T19:29:00.000-05:00

For anyone that has ever met me or any member of family, you may have already known that 6 years ago we suffered a tremendous loss to our family. We lost the "matriarch" of our family, my Nana. She was diagnosed with Alzheimer's and unfortunately, on January 12, 2001 she lost her battle with the terrible disease. In the time of her going through this ordeal I had started college at Rhode Island College. While in my first year I started to get into poetry and wrote some of my first poems there. One night, while sleeping in my dorm, I woke up out of deep sleep and just had to write this down. This is the product that came out of my head at 2am that night.

How Would You Like...?

How would you like to have a woman come to your house and clean it from top to bottom?

How would you like to have someone you can run to when you are sad and tell you it will be alright?

How would you like to have a woman who when she puts her makeup on look like a porcelain doll?

How would like to have someone who would do anything for you, even clean your dirty underwear?

How would you like to see a smile spread across their face because you did something small?

Well I did, I had my grandmother, that was until a disease called Alzheimer's took her away from me.

How would you like to have someone you care deeply about not know who you are?

How would you like to have your best friend be totally scared of you?

How would you like to have a 77-year old woman that had a beautiful soul now be a two-year-old?

How would you like to be punched, kicked, scratched, punched by someone who never laid a hand on you except for a gentle hug?

How would you like to watch someone you thought would live forever slip slowly into the darkness?

Well, I see you stare when she gives my mom, dad, sister, and myself trouble controlling her in public.

And I see you laugh when she starts screaming and getting scared.

So...I only have one question for you.

How would you like it?

Dedicated to Mary E. Ashton (2/20/22 - 1/12/01)

MeMeMeMeMeMeMeMe ~~ My first one

2007-11-07T13:24:00.001-05:00

Four jobs I've held:
1. Porter - Dunkin Donuts
2. Ice Cream Scooper - Ben & Jerry's
3. Wire Transfer Investigator - Citizens Bank
4. Professional Singer/Actor/Dancer

Four movies I can watch over again:
1. Titanic
2. Beaches
3. The Notebook
4. Too Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar

Four places I have lived:
1. Providece, RI
2. Pawtucket, RI
3. San Bernardino, CA
4. Las Vegas, NV

Four t.v. shows I watch:
1. American Idol
2. Ghost Whisperer
3. So You Think You Can Dance
4. America's Next Top Model

Four places I've been on vacation:
1. Orlando, FL
2. EveryWhere, NH
3. Las Vegas, NV
4. Newport Beach, CA

Four favorite foods:
1. Sushi
2. American Chop Suey
3. Chinese Food
4. STEAK!!

Four websites I visit:
1. MySpace
2. Coming to a Nursery Near You
3. Facebook
4. Playbill.com

What to do...What to do...

2007-11-07T10:38:00.001-05:00

Ok...so as ya'll know (yes I said ya'll) I'm a performer at the Newport Playhouse. I've worked there on and off for about 5 1/2 years. I've made LITERALLY thousands and thousands of dollars working for them. Last year alone I made $5000.00 as a performer. I love working there because it's a fun place to work and the people are great and I love being able to perform every weekend.

But here's my dilemma. They never cast me in mainstage shows. I'm always only doing the cabaret. For those of you who have not been here before, I'll give you a quick rundown of the night. First you have dinner in the dining room. Following that you go to the other side of the building to watch a straight play, no music. Usually a comedy. After that you go back into the dining room where you were sitting before and watch the cabaret. This is the part of the night I perform in. The cabaret is a 45 minute - 1 hour long song and comedy show. It's so much fun but...

The reasoning that I've always believed that I haven't been cast in the mainstage shows is because I cannot do ALL of the performances. The Newport Playhouse does 1 show less than a Broadway production. They do 8 shows a week...we do 7. I, however, do not do all of them because of my daytime job as an investigator for Citizens Bank during the week. I only perform in the weekend shows; Friday night, Saturday night, Sunday afternoon, Sunday night and the occasional Saturday afternoon.

So, I've been content with the fact that I can't do all the shows and that's why I'm not being cast. BUT!!! The show that just opened 2 weekends ago called Remember Me is a play with 4 people in the show, however there are 6 people cast. The reason behind that is 2 of the guys in the show can't do all of the shows. 1 in particular can't do ANY of the weekday matinées so they have an understudy for him. WHAT THE F*&!~*&#!*&@@$@*&#?? This is the EXACT same predicament that I have been in for the past 1 1/2 years and they can't cast an understudy for me? I honestly don't get it. They are constantly ranting and raving about how I am the best person that performs there...I have the best voice and I am one of the better actors...THEN PUT ME IN THE SHOW!!

It's also starting to come over into the cabaret stage as well. I'm not getting the solos that I think I rightfully deserve. Instead, they are giving solo to the mediocre singers (not being egotistical but it's true) instead of giving it to the person with the PUBLICIZED strongest voice.

I honestly think it's going to come down to having to give them an ultimatum. Either cast me in a show with an understudy or I'm walking. I really don't want to have to do that because I've made so much money as a performer and a waiter there. Everyone loves me there (at least I think they do lol) and I love it there. But I need to know that my 45 minute - 1 hour drive there is worth something. I'm spending anywhere between $20 - $40 every week on dry cleaning so my tuxes look pristine when I'm on stage. $20 - $30 a month on tokens for the Newport Bridge. Probably about a good $200 a month on gas (and with the gas prices going up higher I'll be spending a LOT more). I need them to make it worth my while to be spending this much money to come and perform there.

There's an audition coming up on Dec 2nd & 3rd for the Mill River Dinner Theater. I've performed here before. I had a lead role in 2 out of the 4 shows I've done with them and got rave reviews from all of the local newspapers. Now THIS theater is 10 minutes down the street from my house and I KNOW I'd get a supporting if not a starring role in their upcoming productions if I decided to go back and audition. The only problem is, when I make $100.00 a weekend at the Playhouse as a performer, I'd make $100.00 for the entire run of a show at Mill River. I know...I know...if it's something you love, you'd do it for free...but when I've made a living on the money I make at the Playhouse, it'd be hard to take a pay cut.

I just don't know what to do. Can't I just snap my fingers and be famous now???

latest post

2007-11-06T11:26:00.001-05:00

Ok, so if I were AT ALL interested in science and medicine I’d want to grow up to be the person who cures cancer. I just found out this morning that my boss Val found out yesterday that her mother has only a few weeks left to live. I am completely beside myself because only 2 weeks ago she was telling us her mother was cancer free.

This whole debacle started out earlier this year when her mom was complaining of chest pains and what not. Val brought her to the hospital and they found a spot on her lung and determined it to be cancerous. They went through the whole treatment stuff…radiation, chemotherapy, therapists, hair loss….everything. Val even came into work one morning about ready to burst because she had to shave her mothers head the night before. Mind you the entire time I cannot stop thinking my OWN mother who I worry about everyday because she was a smoker for 47 years. Anyway, she did all the MRI’s and Cat Scans and Pet Scans and treatments and Val came in 2 weeks all excited that her mother was finally cancer free. The only thing left was one last brain scan and her mom was feeling some discomfort in her stomach which was due to her gall bladder...or so they thought.

So this morning my supervisor Kristen calls a meeting for me and my group for a quick briefing of stuff. Mind you, Val has been out yesterday and today and no one knows why. Kristen proceeds to tell us that Val’s mother was in the hospital over the weekend for the pains in her stomach and after test came back it was concluded that her mom has stomach cancer and that it’s so advanced that there’s no curing this time around. My heart & mouth dropped simultaneously. I’ve met this woman before; I’ve been to a party at Val’s house with her; she’s even seen me PERFORM and now I’m being told that without treatment she only has a few weeks left and if she does do treatment MAYBE a year. I know she’s not a relative of mine but it’s still hard to take especially because I know her daughter so well.

Before all of this chaos with the cancerous cells and what not, Val was dealing with her mother having trouble with her gall bladder. Now THIS hit close to home with me because my mom just had surgery in January to have her gall bladder and over 200 Gallstones removed. I know it’s a harmless procedure and a quick recovery but I am a self proclaimed and proud MOMMA’S BOY. My mother was on a surgical table being cut open…I was NOT doing ok with this. Now to find out that what Val & her family thought was a problem with a gall bladder turns out to be stomach cancer I was about to burst into tears. What if this happened to MY mother? What if this Christmas would’ve been the first without her? All of these questions went SCREAMING into my head this morning. Also, why didn’t the doctors detect this stomach cancer earlier in the process so they WOULD HAVE caught it before it got to advanced?

Val has been one of the most amazing managers I’ve had in my 11 years of being employed. I’ve been to her house for parties; she gave me keys to her house to watch her dog while she was in FL for 2 weeks; she tells me constantly of her 2 daughters accomplishments and what not. I value her friendship, her opinion, and her leadership in the job that I cannot bear to see her have to go through the loss of her mother since she just lost her Uncle Eddie last year.

Emotions are flying high for me this week especially after finding out my sister Dawn has a SPOT on her BRAIN…oy vey is all I can really say.

Adventures in Auditioning

2007-10-08T08:41:00.000-04:00

Ok so I've realized that I SUCK at life when it comes to this blogging stuff. I think of things to blog about while at work and then I get home and completely forget about it. SOOOO Let's try this again.

On Monday, October 1st I ventured into the big city of New York City to audition for the national touring company of Jesus Christ Superstar. It was definitely an experience and a half. It was a long day but completely worth it.

It all started at 4am that morning. My mom woke me up and was getting ready herself for work. I on the other hand kept trying to go back to sleep but dear ole mom would NOT let me...good thing too since my train was leaving in an hour and a half. So I get up take a shower...purposely don't shave (hence the direction from my friend Leslie & her daughter Alicia...who has done professional touring shows) and get on my merry way to the Amtrak station. Park in the parking lot of the mall and briskly walk...ok run on over to the station.

Fast forward to being on the train. Now for anyone who has taken the Acela Express train before they know that there is a "Quiet Car". For those who HAVEN'T been on the Acela Express this is for the business people who travel early in the morning to sleep. Quiet Car yes...place to sleep NO. For some reason I just could NOT fall asleep and try to get rest since I only got like 3 hours the night before. Also, another annoying thing about that damned train...for some reason it is always shutting off WHILE THE TRAIN IS MOVING!! Don't ask me why but the person in the club/cafe car said it's supposed to do that. WHATEVER!! Just get to NYC in one piece.

SO I get to Penn Station at 9:45am. The audition STARTS at 10:00am and I still have to walk from West 33rd St to West 26th St. Yes that is only 7 streets away BUT in NYC distance...from 33rd St to 32nd St IT'S A LONG WAY! Now I know why people in New York have great legs...Oh yeah did I tell you that the audition was on the 10th floor and the elevator was broken? Once again...GREAT LEGS!!

Now I'm in a holding room...mind you this was an OPEN CALL for male actors for a MALE HEAVY show. Let's just say that at 9:50 when I first signed in I was already #109. I'm walking across the room searching for a seat amongst the many GORGEOUS male actors when I hear my name screamed from across the room. My first thought "OH MY GOD Who the hell knows ME in New York City" I look and there is my friend Taylor who performed with me at the Newport Playhouse & Cabaret Restaurant last year. Boy am I happy to see him because now I don't have to be sitting all alone waiting for this to be over. Him and I catch up since I have not seen him since last summer when he left to go back to school at Catholic University in Washington DC. He introduced me to some friends of his that were really sweet and it helped make the time go by a lot faster. Unfortunately, Taylor was # 42 and his friends were #'s 60, 62, & 63 respectively...once again I was #109.

Fast forward again (damn fast forward button) to the time I'm now being called up in my group of 20. It is now 2:00 pm and I'm just about ready to piss my pants because I am now getting REALLY REALLY NERVOUS. Granted this isn't my first audition (the first was in August in NYC but that's another post) but it's still just as nerve-wracking as any audition I've been on. I'm slowly but surely making my way to the door to walk into and listening to the other 12 guys in front of me audition. Pressing my ear up against the wall to hear them sing...some of them I don't even have to do that cause they're loud enough. (OY is what I say to that) Finally it's my turn and POOF i gotta pee....OF COURSE...and it's the kind where if you move an inch you feel like you're going to let loose. Yes I know you really wanted to read about my bodily functions...MOVING ON!!

I walk into the room and with a deep breath put on the biggest smile that I can. There they are...Dave Clemmons, the casting agent...and all his minions to his sides at a LOOOOONG table. I give my book of music to the piano player, advise him of where to start, and off I go....sort of. I went to the center of the room and another POOF...forget what I'm supposed to say. In Theater classes they teach you to say "Hi my name is Tom Lavallee and I'll be singing "insert song title here" from "insert show title here". Yeah I really just said Hi I'm Tom Lavallee..............blank stares...smiles.... SIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGG (completely off key cause the damn piano player played the wrong notes) and in 15 seconds I'm done and walking out of the room and straight to the bathroom.

After that walked around NYC for a few hours waiting for my train at 5:30...went to Borders...yes I was in NYC and went to Borders...shuddap. Train ride back was slightly more interesting then the ride into the city. We were stopped for a good 45 minutes because another train was stuck and we had to take on 100 extra passengers...luckily NONE of them came to my area and my seat and tried to be my NEIGHBORINO...I don't think so. So got back to the station and dragged my butt to my car and then drove home...annnnd crashed.

Talk about an exciting day :)

Who the hell am I?

2007-08-23T22:38:00.000-04:00

Everyone always tells me "You're such a great person" "You're so nice" "How'd you get to be this way?" Boy, can I tell you it was not easy. A lot of people probably think I had it easy growing up because I was surrounded by my family...my parents were and are still married...yada yada yada. That's just one aspect of it. Let's just start it from the beginning...shall we?

It all started on a Tuesday night in November...the wind was blowing...it was dark...it was...Ok do you REALLY think I'm going to start out the story of my childhood like that? HA You're kidding right?

So it was a Tuesday night and it was November but I have NO clue what the wind was doing or even how dark it was. I just know it was still dark where I was. :) hehe It was November 24th, 1981 and it was 2 days before Thanksgiving. My mom Carol and my dad Ray were on their way to Rhode Island Hospital to have their 2nd child...well biologically (technically Dawn & Bobby aren't my FULL sister and brother but I never looked at it that way...so BACK to ME!) My mom told me I was her easiest delivery...even at birth I was impatient. From there on out...the world would be completely different as we all knew it....MUAHHAHAHAHA...oops not a horror story.

So I had a pretty simple childhood. Youngest of 4...the baby of the family. I was TORTURED!! Just kidding. My sister Dawn was like my second mother because mom was always working and so was dad...so Dawn was the next best thing. I also had Heather...who's hip I was temporarily attached to...and by temporarily I mean 14 years. She looked out for me a lot and helped me get into some trouble too. But I had my fair share of alone trouble-makin too...example cutting my own hair, climbing the hutch, and hiding a bowl of Fruit Loops sprinkled with salt behind the couch for 2 days.

School was ok. I didn't like it at first and apparently; according to my Kindergarten teacher; I was not learning as quickly as the other kids. For Christ's sake lady I was ONLY 4 years old while everyone around me was 5 and 6 what did you expect...EINSTEIN! I didn't really make a lot of friends in elementary school because just like before was attached to Heather's hip. So my "friends" were her friends. Now this is where it all began too. Now I know it's creepy to think but in elementary school is when I knew I was a "different" kind of little boy. NO not an alien or dog reincarnated into a little boy but "different". I liked playing with Heather and her friends a little more then the boys in my class. It was weird and confusing but I didn't know any better and thought this was the norm.

Jumping to middle school and school boys are becoming more "active" in my life because I now have to have a separate gym class from my sister and the girls...I have to play the sports in school...i have to be around them in the locker rooms. All of this even more confusing now because it's also the time that I met Tammy. She was and is probably the only girl in my life that I had ever a real crush on. I saw Tammy and swooned for her...but then also saw the boys and swooned for them. This is also when the name calling started. Faggot...Fatso...Weirdo...Nerd...everything you can think of...i was probably called, and I was only 10 or 11 years old.

Another fast forward (it's like I have a remote control...HA take that dad) to High School. Freshman year...13 years old...youngest in my class...still. New school, new boys, new taunts and teases...even more severe this time. Relentlessness is a word I learned very quickly that year. It seemed that in those mere 3 months from middle school to high school, those kids got meaner and meaner. This is also when I learned the term "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" Well they were doing a damned good job at trying to work on the first portion of that statement. It was so bad sometimes that I went home CRYING...but never in front of them. I never showed them my tears and wouldn't give them the satisfaction. I didn't tell my family either cause I didn't want them to worry about me. I kept it all inside. It was this year I had my first thought of suicide as well. I was 14 years old...and that's how cruel those kids treated me.

Sophmore year of high school was just as bad. Once again...another summer went by the meaner they got. This is the year they started to get physical. Not to the point of beating me up but more so of the shoving, pushing, kicking of backpacks. The only time I had a punch thrown at me was when I was nonchalantly walking to the public bus to go home when one of these kids just punched me square in the jaw and laughed. I remember stopping for a second, composing myself, and continued walking. What the hell was I gonna do?? I was a four foot nothing kid looking up to someone at least 5 inches taller than me and who just punched me for no apparent reason. (Funny thing is...that same kid was sitting next to me at our High School graduation when I was announced one of the scholarship winners)

It was throughout these 2 years in High School that I also realized that what they were saying about me was true. The "faggot" part...for lack of a better word. I had always known since that time in elementary school that I was different but didn't know what it was. It just took the ridicule from high school boys to point it out for me.

Next up was junior year of high school. That's when I was involved in 15 different clubs...no word of a lie...I have the pictures to prove it. I had also done a fashion show and was part of the yearbook staff and was really getting myself out there. Luckily enough..the boys who were constantly tormenting me were slowly disappearing because of either dropping out, expulsion, death, etc. So the tormenting was dying down slowly but surely. People were finally getting to know me and like me. This is also the year I decided to come out....NOT to everyone in High School...are you crazy? I came out to my friends Bruce & Katie, and my sister Heather...who in turned told my Sister-in-Law Kathy, who in turned told my brother Bobby. So by telling 3 people 5 people found out. Heather also forced me to tell my mother that night as well...pretty much the whole "if you don't tell mom I will" thing...thanks Heather.

It was from that moment on I started being a different person sorta...kinda...I started to open up a little bit more to friends...but not about "that". I just started talking more and being a little bit more extroverted. Not completely but a little bit more because I still didn't want to "prove" those guys right by coming out in high school. So I waited till college to come out to more people.

I'm very lucky and fortunate that everyone person that I have come out to since that first day in junior year has been so supportive and happy for me. I've had people say that I seemed happier with myself then I was before. I didn't talk a lot or do a lot of things with friends...now I did. I still had the urge to attach myself to people though for fear of getting hurt. Some people saw that as being very clingy and I was "turned away" by people because of it. So that made me start to regress some...back to those fateful high school days.

And now introducing that National Student Exchange program and California State University San Bernardino. This was and still is the BEST thing I have done for myself thus far in my life. I chose to participate in the NSE program because I looked at it as a chance to get away from myself. I was selected and flown to SUNNY SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA where it was absolutely FABULOUS. I decided to go out there with the intentions of being who I've always wanted to be...myself. They didn't know me from a hole in the wall and I could've told them that I've had a girlfriend for 5 years and they wouldn't have known any better...BUT I told them who I was...I'm Tommy...19 years old from Rhode Island and I'm gay. I didn't lie about it and I didn't hide it and I didn't deny if someone came up to me said "hey are you gay?" I was completely open and honest for the first time in my life and it was liberating. I was actually commended on it too. A guy by the name of Aubrey (yes Aubrey...I know "isn't that a girls name?"...but it's a guy) had said to me once that that's why him and so many others at Cal State loved me so much. Because I was a complete and honest person and knew who I was and was HAPPY about it. With this renewed confidence in myself, I flew home to Rhode Island and continued to be this person.

Since then what you see is what you get with me. Ask me any question big or small private or public...whatever you heart desires...and I will answer it to the best of my ability. I hid stuff about myself for so long that I don't want to do that anymore or go back to being that little boy in high school that did my work and was laughed at for it and who walked to and from school with my head down ashamed of what I knew I was. Now I walk with my head held high and proud of who I am.

For those people who now decide they don't like me for who I am...I say F*** you...I have enough people who LOVE me for who I am and one less person who doesn't won't effect my life in one bit.

I've been told that I bring color into a place and happiness and "sunshine" because I'm always trying to be positive because what else is there to do but mope around...what's that get you...nothing...So THIS is who I am. I am a 25 year old singer/actor/dancer/brother/son/uncle/student/best friend...who also happens to be gay.

And if you don't like that...Sorry I couldn't please you...you can move along now :) I'm gonna go be with my friends who think I'm simply FABULOUS

2007-08-02T21:11:00.001-04:00

Ok....SOOO my loving sister Dawn decided to put in one of her blogs that I have a "graphic blog". I'm not exactly sure where this alleged blog lies but I will search for it and when I find it I will DESTROY it...hehe not really...because if it's graphic...anyway. So both of my sisters now have blogs and being the youngest I decided to be a copy cat and follow suit. :)

My name is Tommy...Thomas by birth...Tom at work and onstage....BUT if you know me everyone calls me Tommy. I am 25 years old and 3 months shy of being 26. I am the baby of said family and have another sibling Bobby. I'm not sure how much he condones being mentioned online so I'll refrain from speaking of him too much. Now as for Heather and Dawn since they've put themselves out there already with blogs of their own...I can talk all the smack I want, but being the loving baby bruddah I am I won't :) (You two owe me)

Let's see...it's funny I can talk and talk and talk in person but when it comes to actually typing it out I'm speechless...let's see hmmm...SO I'm a sorta graduate of Rhode Island College...the sorta part will be explained later. I received (sorta..again) my BA in Theater which luckily I can say actually works for me. I am a professional performer for the Newport Playhouse & Cabaret Restaurant and I have been with them on and off for 5 years...and for any of those people out there that want to say "oh that's not professional theater" but when you get paid to perform and have to pay taxes on it...then it's professional...so THERE :-P I've done about 16 cabaret shows with them and for any of you who don't know what a cabaret is...at the Playhouse it's a 45 minute to an hour long song and comedy show. Anyone in the area...you MUST come to the Playhouse. The food is fantastic...the waitstaff is fun...oh yeah did I mention I'm a waiter there...and the shows are great. (OH and the prices are reasonable for what you get too.) It's the Playhouse that my sister was referring to when she said she "hates" my work schedule because they take up a lot of my time.

I also work for Citizens Bank as an Investigator for the Wire Transfer Department. Quick way to describe that job...people lose money doing wire transfers and I find it. :) There are other things to that job but don't really wanna delve into that at this time.

So yeah...my dream goal...yes...is to be a star. However that is...I don't care...Music, Acting, Dancing, Stage, Screen, Television...I don't care as long as I'm performing. I can't tell you a time where I have been happier then when I am on stage. I'm a very open and honest person so it's not hard to tell when I'm happy or sad but if you really want to see me at my highest peak, my happiest, and the true essence that is me...you'll come see me on stage. I cannot say how it makes me feel to be up on stage and see someone smiling and know that it's because of something I am doing...and to hear the applause is mind blowing. I honestly cannot see myself doing anything else in my life but performing and anyone of my family members will say the same thing.

At one point, I'll hopefully have clips of me on stage but I'll have to enlist the help of my loving and helpful and wise sister....Dawn...sorry Heather. But i guess it's time to cut this short...don't want to take up too much of your time. Hehe for someone who had no clue what to say I talk a lot don't I :) haha

Have a good nights and greater tomorrows!! (yeah cheesy i know)